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Relaxed orgasms

Is that possible? And does it feel good?

For most people, orgasm and tension are inseparable. Many have to tense their pelvis in order to come at all.

Does it have to be like that?

No, not at all. In fact, I argue that ecstasy goes much deeper when we let it arise from relaxation. In this article, I share with you three important keys to unlocking this new kind of orgasm.


Of course, for many of us, getting to the next level in our ecstasy takes some relearning, which sometimes comes with certain challenges. For example, that at first it can be more difficult to reach orgasm at all. Because a lot of our sexuality is habit. It is often an almost physical reflex that the body tenses as soon as sexual arousal arises. If we let go of this tension, it can have the direct effect that the arousal also decreases. That's why you need to have confidence and curiosity in the first place to embark on this exploration of your ecstasy.









The most important differences between 'relaxed orgasms' (RO) and 'tension orgasms' (TO) are as follows


- RO expand throughout the body, while TO are felt primarily in the genitals

- RO builds slowly, while TO has a much steeper arousal curve that builds up quickly to climax

- RO leave us with a deep sense of fulfillment, while TO can often subside more quickly and sometimes even lead to a sense of emptiness

- After RO we have more energy, feel recharged, while TO often cause a loss of energy

- RO 'happen to us', so they are like a gift, while TO are often accompanied by some effort


Sounds good, right? Then let's discuss how we can approach this experience.



Keys to relaxed orgasms


Key #1: Focus on relaxation

Probably the most important key is to consciously redirect your focus during arousal. It's no longer about increasing your arousal, but about increasing your relaxation level. So you pay attention to relaxing your body and especially your pelvis as your arousal increases. This can take quite a bit of attention in the beginning because, as mentioned earlier, the tension happens unconsciously and reflexively. So keep reminding yourself that it's all about your relaxation now and consciously let go. Use your breathing as a support. Breathing deeply and regularly into your pelvis automatically leads to relaxation. This is because when we are tense, we breathe shallowly and sometimes even stop breathing altogether.


Key #2: You don't have to achieve anything

The second key is about learning to let your desire emerge instead of actively pushing it. In self-love, you naturally maintain a certain active part, while with a partner you can completely drift into letting go. However, you will also notice with only yourself that your touches may slow down and a deeper calmness may come to your whole body. In addition, achieving nothing is not primarily about doing nothing at all, but about not trying to manipulate your own pleasure by increasing it with effort. This is usually done by tensing the body, but can also happen through forced breathing, sounds or movement. Let go of all that and come into a deep awareness of your current sensations. Notice how your desire feels and moves in your body. Notice if it increases or decreases. Also notice when no pleasure at all wants to arise from your body and it is your head that pushes you into pleasure. This is also an important aspect of this key, that you don't always have to have orgasms. Sometimes it is much more harmonious and healing to feel other things that are present in you right now, perhaps sadness or anger. Or even the wonderful feeling of gentle arousal, which spreads through your body like liquid happiness. Sometimes that is quite enough.

And if it is the desire that wants to become stronger, take a perceptive, non-interfering attitude, feel how it increases and enjoy. Let go of the goal of orgasm and accompany your pleasure with your attention on each step to climax, as if it was the last.


Key #3: Be aware of the whole body

The third key, like the first, describes a redirection of your attention. It goes away from your genitals and towards your whole body. How does your big toe feel when your body goes into ecstasy? How does your heart feel? And what happens in the lower back? How does the energy move through you? And what happens when you take a break from touching and just perceive?

When you expand your perception, your desire automatically expands with it. This leads to it accumulating less in your genitals and thus not having to discharge so quickly. By distributing your pleasure throughout your body, you delay orgasm and at the same time deepen and increase your pleasure. Because the vessel in which it can expand is larger and can therefore hold more pleasure. And this feels incomparably more ecstatic than if it remains enclosed in the genitals.


Small bonus to this point: If you connect your genitals with your heart again and again with your attention, that is, if you consciously perceive your heart as well as the genitals-heart connection, your entire experience will be immersed in a whole new light. You connect so much stronger with yourself, as you connect your sexual parts with your whole being. This also deepens your experience, bringing in more aliveness and authenticity. Attention: This point can also lead to the fact that in certain moments you become aware that in reality there is no real desire, but that other aspects in you want to be perceived. This is part of it and if you give this enough space, you will see that your sexual experience will only benefit from it.


Try it out!


Finally, I'll give you a step-by-step guide to try it out for yourself:


1. Touch and stimulate yourself or let someone of your choice pleasure you.

2. Breathe deeply and relaxed into your pelvis.

3. Notice the sensations throughout your body.

4. As your arousal increases, feel if your body wants to tense up somewhere.

5. If so, let go again and breathe deeply.

6. Observe your pleasure, how does it feel? Where in your body is it located? Is it moving?

7. Notice what is happening in all other parts of your body.

8. As soon as you notice that tension arises, consciously relax again.

9. Connect with your heart and feel the connection of your pelvis to your heart.

10. Check if you are trying to influence your desire with effort through any gestures.

11. If yes, relax again and notice what there is now.

12. Pause the stimulation and just observe what is happening and how the sensations are moving through you.

13. As your pleasure builds to an orgasm, deepen and slow your breathing again a bit and consciously let it flow into your pelvis.

14. After orgasm: Stay with your attention in your body, continue to breathe deeply and consciously let yourself be nourished by your sensations.


Mix and repeat all of these steps at will.


All of this may sound simple at first. However, it is often a deep intervention into our habits and conditioning. So be patient with yourself if it doesn't work right away. Your body has to learn something new and this only happens with time and repetition. Because that's how you built up your conditioning, isn't it? Over a long time and with many repetitions.


In any case, I wish you a lot of joy in your new discoveries of your pleasure and perhaps also of your whole being. Because in our sexuality there are hidden secrets about all aspects of life.

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